Diary of A Mad Gay Man

My three part video idea is a response to homophobia, through the documentation of a gay person's day showing that we all live similar lifestyle regardless of sexuality. The videos show the gay/trans influence and queer ideas that I have experienced in my community. I come from an area with a high black influence which comes into play a lot for the videos as the gay/trans scene (that I see) in my community is predominately black. The videos are something to be related to by the whole LGBTQIA+ community, but specifically for the black LGBTQIA+. Which, I think is important in a time where "inclusiveness" has taken over, and especially since it's about the influences I have seen. I chose to use my childhood friend, that I now call my brother as my model for this project. He is someone who, for me, represented the queer/trans community his whole life, the true idea of comfortability in the body. My brother, Damali, uses influences in our community such as super long nails/wigs to expend the depth and reach of his own body daily. (which is shown). 

The first Minute of the video shows first waking up. I wanted the start the scene with common confusion. You see a male passing torso, with feminine blankets, as well as nail polish. The rest of the scene plays out like a normal morning to enhance that regardless of that, the day carries out normally. The title of the piece , "Diary of a Mad Gay Man" appears which is inspired by a classic black film, "Diary of a Mad Black Woman", by Tyler Perry. I chose Gay Man instead of something more open/welcoming, because at the end of the day for heterosexuals, that's all we are seen as. There is no scale or spectrum, you are gay or you are not. It is also a play on the negative idea that gay people, especially black gay people, are "mad" or "upset" all the time. We see the most vulnerable parts of Damali's body here, due to the lack of objects such as clothes(in the beginning), and the fluid movements really enhance the feeling that this is repetition (something done everyday). 

The second clip continues the usual day with breakfast. We see the extension of the body the most here, with the nails making breakfast. They are long and full of charms. Not only does it shows an aspect of everyday living, but the ingredients also share a story about the community and area I am from. You can see this through the warming of the cereal, as well as the added sugar. The end of the video transitions into a vogue dance by Damali. This was very important as the ballroom scene (vogue) has influenced the/my gay experience greatly. This is something usual in my house, we watch ballroom videos a vogue in our bedroom at home. It's a part of the lifestyle.

The final clip moves outside. It's a compilation of conversations, imagery, sounds, etc.. I wanted this video to show the body outside, exposed. It shows a specific kind of courage, fearlessness. The day continues here. The video shows parts where the sound cuts and its white noise with shorter video going. They then cut into conversations. I did this really because of perception. I show this gorgeous person with no words, and just expression, and then I give them the platform (the parts with audio) to explain themselves, essentially showing that they are human, relatable too. The clip ends with Damali's response the the haters, which I think has an unseen rawness to it as it shows a unbothered attitude towards homophobia (powerful). Here there are other strong influences from my community such as, big fur coats/boots, tiny jeans, weed, etc.. 

The piece itself is something authentic, real life. Everything seen are regular days. For the outfit, hair, and nails, I simply told Damali to "get cute". This enhanced my feeling that he was perfect for this role. I not only wanted to show my gay experience through the shots, but also how they are displayed. I chose to have them in a center box of the screen, with a vivid time filter (shot on a 2000's digital pocket camera), to give the feeling of watching a video from the box tv in your room on MTV at nighttime. The type of video where you can still tell there is a camera man behind the screen filming, being passionate. I wanted the colors to take me back to when I was little and used to have a filter of fascination over my eyes whenever I saw a queer man fully expressing himself. Majority of the sound was to be natural sound from the actual videos... I wanted the viewer to feel as in the moment as possible. This is real life, and I really needed to show the behind the scenes... the fact that for the LGBTQIA+, the mask doesn't come off when we come home. Even when watching I know we all still get a feeling of the video being something displayed or something to be judged, until you realize this is our life, Damali's life, my life... and that it is nothing to judge, but a statement. I think by the end the viewer also may come to realize that the lifestyle of a "mad gay man" is the human sculpture itself. The experience of this project as a whole was very freeing, and brought my own body back into connection with my community and objects from the past.